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hboff Site Admin
Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4377
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SeverianofUrth Member

Joined: 09 Aug 2004 Posts: 481 Location: Dumb posts & crap stories
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Posted: Fri Feb 11, 2005 6:58 pm Post subject: |
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Well, thanks in advance to the reviews that are (hopefully) going to come in. I'll be gone over the weekend, so, well, to the people that read this, thanks, y'all. |
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HoZ Member
Joined: 29 Jul 2004 Posts: 440 Location: Tyrone, PA (HA I'M POOR)
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Posted: Fri Feb 11, 2005 7:01 pm Post subject: |
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i liked it.....
good job Sev....
sorry about being an ass to you awhile ago.....  |
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SeverianofUrth Member

Joined: 09 Aug 2004 Posts: 481 Location: Dumb posts & crap stories
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Posted: Fri Feb 11, 2005 7:06 pm Post subject: |
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I don't mind. Bury the past, I say. |
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HoZ Member
Joined: 29 Jul 2004 Posts: 440 Location: Tyrone, PA (HA I'M POOR)
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Posted: Fri Feb 11, 2005 7:12 pm Post subject: |
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yeah dude i fel like shit cuz of what i did....
ive calmed doun in the mounths since.....  |
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thedarkfire Member

Joined: 03 Aug 2004 Posts: 1045 Location: Thousand post land. Oh look! A pidgeon!
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Posted: Fri Feb 11, 2005 11:25 pm Post subject: |
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Great first chapter. The Grunt rebellion, finally someone does it. I would have liked to have a little more on the backround on the Arbiter in question but other than that, I liked. |
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MC's Cousin Mr. 1337

Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.
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Posted: Sat Feb 12, 2005 2:00 am Post subject: |
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I've always thought it would be interesting for someone to do something on past events in the Covenant. The taming of the Hunters, the Grunt rebellion, all that cool stuff. Well, you've started on one of them.
Interesting. I don't think that all Arbiters are made in that way. But, it is an interesting use of parrallelism. Also, I didn't think that Brutes were around during the Grunt rebellion. They were fairly new when Halo 2 came around - and weren't even displayed in Halo 1 (I'll say storyline, but it could be game constraints as well).
Did you not cap Grunt most of the time on purpose? I hope not. Do that in the future.
This was really short. It just got a bare little done. But, hopefully you will have fuller chapters in the future.
Overall, this was pretty good. Not great, but not bad either. So, just work with what you are advised to. Keep it up. _________________ -MCC |
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Chuckles Member

Joined: 29 Jul 2004 Posts: 1000 Location: Grand Rapids MI
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Posted: Sat Feb 12, 2005 9:33 am Post subject: |
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Good one, Sev. Your dialogue was well done and believable--takes you right into the story. I agree with MCC on capitalizing Grunt, especially since the word has other meanings. Also it might have been a good idea to use the Covenant's real names, but I'm no stickler on that. I'll be looking forward to your next chapter. This should be interesting.
C.T. Clown |
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CoLd BlooDed Moderator

Joined: 09 Aug 2004 Posts: 706 Location: Noit acol.
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Posted: Sat Feb 12, 2005 10:13 am Post subject: |
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Great job, Severian, I liked it. The new tense you're using makes it a notch more interesting. Here that? A notch.
Yes, I'm agreeing with Chuckles on this one, the dialogue was realistic and helped me get into the story.
There were a couple minor things I noticed, but overall, you've created a promising start. Don't disappoint! |
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SeverianofUrth Member

Joined: 09 Aug 2004 Posts: 481 Location: Dumb posts & crap stories
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2005 2:57 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks, guys, for the comments. I couldn't post untilnow... |
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