HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4356

This topic is for posting comments to:

The Arbiter: Subduing of the Rebels
Posted by SeverianofUrth
7 February 2005, 3:16 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=severianofur.0207051516511.html

SeverianofUrth · Posted: Fri Feb 11, 2005 6:58 pm Post subject:

Well, thanks in advance to the reviews that are (hopefully) going to come in. I'll be gone over the weekend, so, well, to the people that read this, thanks, y'all.

HoZ · Posted: Fri Feb 11, 2005 7:01 pm Post subject:

i liked it.....

good job Sev....

sorry about being an ass to you awhile ago..... Embarassed

SeverianofUrth · Posted: Fri Feb 11, 2005 7:06 pm Post subject:

I don't mind. Bury the past, I say.

HoZ · Posted: Fri Feb 11, 2005 7:12 pm Post subject:

yeah dude i fel like shit cuz of what i did....
ive calmed doun in the mounths since..... Confused

thedarkfire · Posted: Fri Feb 11, 2005 11:25 pm Post subject:

Great first chapter. The Grunt rebellion, finally someone does it. I would have liked to have a little more on the backround on the Arbiter in question but other than that, I liked.

MC's Cousin · Mr. 1337 Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.

I've always thought it would be interesting for someone to do something on past events in the Covenant. The taming of the Hunters, the Grunt rebellion, all that cool stuff. Well, you've started on one of them.

Interesting. I don't think that all Arbiters are made in that way. But, it is an interesting use of parrallelism. Also, I didn't think that Brutes were around during the Grunt rebellion. They were fairly new when Halo 2 came around - and weren't even displayed in Halo 1 (I'll say storyline, but it could be game constraints as well).

Did you not cap Grunt most of the time on purpose? I hope not. Do that in the future.

This was really short. It just got a bare little done. But, hopefully you will have fuller chapters in the future.

Overall, this was pretty good. Not great, but not bad either. So, just work with what you are advised to. Keep it up.
_________________
-MCC

Chuckles · Posted: Sat Feb 12, 2005 9:33 am Post subject:

Good one, Sev. Your dialogue was well done and believable--takes you right into the story. I agree with MCC on capitalizing Grunt, especially since the word has other meanings. Also it might have been a good idea to use the Covenant's real names, but I'm no stickler on that. I'll be looking forward to your next chapter. This should be interesting.

C.T. Clown

CoLd BlooDed · Posted: Sat Feb 12, 2005 10:13 am Post subject:

Great job, Severian, I liked it. The new tense you're using makes it a notch more interesting. Here that? A notch.

Yes, I'm agreeing with Chuckles on this one, the dialogue was realistic and helped me get into the story.

There were a couple minor things I noticed, but overall, you've created a promising start. Don't disappoint!

SeverianofUrth · Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2005 2:57 pm Post subject:

Thanks, guys, for the comments. I couldn't post untilnow...