eb4642
IRC Channel Operator
Joined: 09 May 2009
Posts: 77
Location: The Dark Tower of NW10
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 Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 8:46 am Post subject: |
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Although I appreciate the effort that's gone into this, you must be more careful with your formatting. Paragraphing is important because otherwise you end up with a massive block of text that's impossible to read properly. I'm also sceptical of your introduction of "Ghost": although your introduction makes them sound like geth from Mass Effect, there's no really coherent explanation of what they are. Read up on god modding when it comes to this: unfortunately as it stands "Ghost" sounds like something derived from personal fantasies and David Icke's crackpot conspiracy nuttery. (Have you understood how important formatting and paragraphing is yet?) Furthermore, it's spelled "cryo," "cryonic" and "cryogenic," not "crio" or "chrio." I may seem like I'm being picky here, but spelling matters. It also looks like partway through part (paragraph?) one, you've accidentally lost a lot of your sentence (perhaps you pasted something in where it shouldn't have been.) Overall there's an easy way to get around this: write your story in something like Word, Writer or TextEdit; leave it for at least two days; come back to it, read it again (out loud, if that helps) and rewrite bits you don't like. Everyone does this, it's nothing to be afraid of. Writing is an iterative process. By now, I hope you've understood how important it is to proof-read, and also how important it is to format and use paragraphs correctly. 
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The Elitist Bastard | Writing is the business of professional turd-polishing.
"(don't take this review too seriously) If you doubt this is possible, how is it there are PYGMIES + DWARFS??" |
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