HBO Fan Fiction

[hboff]

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Haunted
Posted by Travis Lally (tlally1986@gmail.com)
28 January 2012, 7:39 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Travis_Lally0128121939251.html

[eb4642]

I hate to sound like a miserable sod, BUT...

Fix your formatting and punctuation.

Then I'll be more inclined to provide constructive criticism on the narrative flow, the glaring technical errors (why, instead of saying, "we are running low on fuel," does the AI say, "We have run critically low on Delta V"?), the irritatingly loaded language and over-use of adverbs, and the actually-somewhat-promising plot line.

But, first, PLEASE fix your grammar, punctuation, formatting and spelling. Thank you.
_________________
The Elitist Bastard | Writing is the business of professional turd-polishing.
"(don't take this review too seriously) If you doubt this is possible, how is it there are PYGMIES + DWARFS??"

[Carson Woo]

Need some polishing, that's true.
But we don't need be that harsh on people, let's just tell them what they need to improve and encourage them.
After reading the post above me, I now understand why there's only a few posts a month.
Delta V can mean a special king of fuel or other things.
_________________
As long as we are united, China can never be defeated. That's the same for Humanity
-Wu Jin Tao, President Of China
Current Series: Halo: Brother In Arms