HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 3972

This topic is for posting comments to:

Naira's Shipwreck - Ch.1
Posted by Society For The Ancients (sfta@thewaytheirworldended.com)
2 November 2009, 5:19 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Society_For_1102091719421.html

kabu · Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 6:18 pm Post subject:

This might be just a bit overwrought. Don't get me wrong, it's well written and engaging, but lay off the metaphor/simile a bit. Too much of a good thing, I guess, and too much focus on backstory. It would have been a bit better to cut down the prelude and extend the first chapter.

Other than that, you obviously have a great deal of writing talent and are going into this with a well-crafted story, and I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Just... a bit less dense.
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http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?author=kabu

SFTA · Member Joined: 07 Oct 2009 Posts: 1

Thank you for the feedback. I'll keep it in mind as the story progresses.
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-WillWriter99 / http://twitter.com/sfta_will