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Pyres in the Sky - First Runner-Up

 
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kabu
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Joined: 18 Oct 2008
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 8:47 pm    Post subject: Pyres in the Sky - First Runner-Up Reply with quote

http://nikon.bungie.org/misc/feet_first.html?p=pyres

Discussion, comments and feedback for Pyres in the Sky, by J. D. Ford
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Arthur Wellesley
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Joined: 30 Jun 2006
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Location: Canada

PostPosted: Fri Oct 02, 2009 4:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry I took so long to get to this, JD.

This was excellent. You have a great talent for constructing a narrative, JD. Instantly, I felt like I was reading a short novel rather than a work of fan fiction. Starting from childhood, you presented us with a character we were able to grow quite fond of in the span of 20,000 words. Your style flows like water - extremely readable - and all your characters, both main and peripheral, are very fleshed out.

I thought the first two thirds of this story were outstanding. You set everything up very well and got me very interested. Unfortunately, I thought the main action was a little rushed. Moriarty became something of a caricature, and his plan was executed in a Bond-ish villain sort of way. The conclusion seemed especially ill-conceived, given the excellence of the first two-thirds: Creech's sudden suicide, and Alexandra's "happy ending," naming her child after the soldiers who had come to kill her father (and essentially did)... all of it seemed a little forced.

Ultimately, this is still an excellent story. It reads extremely well and for the most part is compelling. I think, though, that it may have been a little rushed to meet the deadline. (I know the feeling).

At any rate, great job, and congratulations on the win! I look forward to whatever you give us next.

- Arthur
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