HBO Fan Fiction

[Phædrus]

With only two entries this week, this one was a no brainer.



The Fan Fiction Pick of the Week
Scoop - Chapter 2: Bravo Sec by kr14-blahblahblah6
Kr continues to put out excellent content with this week's episode of Scoop. The action is well done and the characters are believable. It gets kind of confusing in a few places, where it's hard to figure out who's where. We don't really get a clear picture of the battlefield. GPS was flawless, except in one place where you have a space before a comma.

Overall a very solid entry.



Not Quite There Yet
This is What We Get For Trust | Part 3 by Rtas Vadumee
There was some effort here, but this needs a lot of work. It was peppered with GPS (grammar, punctuation, spelling) errors, and the paragraphs, especially at the beginning, were far too short. At the beginning when you were describing the Spartan's thoughts, it seems like you tried to do some stream of consciousness. However, this technique is very hard to do well, and you failed to pull it off. Your characters seemed to mostly be cardboard cutouts which serve merely as foils for your main character: the Spartan. You're developing what's called a Mary Sue, a character that is perfect in every way and never fails at anything. Mary Sues are fun for new authors to write, but no one enjoys reading them. They're dull and predictable.

I feel that this series you've started is on the track towards becoming unrecoverable. You need to make some major changes to how you hand character, plot, and setting, as well as improve your writing skill.


That's all, folks!

[kr1]

Thanks, Phae! Shame there wasn't more competition this week, though...
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