HBO Fan Fiction

[hboff]

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Vestal Sins: Chapter One: The First Forty-Eight
Posted by Arthur Wellesley (arthur_wellesly@hotmail.com)
19 June 2009, 3:20 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Arthur_Welle0619090320121.html

[SeverianofUrth]

Well, that was... it's amazing how no one's commented yet. I suppose it's the length of the piece that does it--but still, people are missing out.

This chapter didn't exactly grab me from the get-go, but the way it built on an already impressive foundation was quite fascinating to behold. Vesta truly does feel like a living, breathing place, and it's filled with its share of monsters and victims. The detective work--traveling, askin', and capturin'--all served to build yet another view of the planet, and it's evolving tapestry of clashing cultures.

All the more impressive because this is the first story I've seen that deals with the aftermath of war in a realistic fashion; after all, where will all those people go? And will they be welcomed? Not quite.

Amazing, as usual.

[eb4642]

This is quite fantastic. In a way, I almost feel like I'm watching The Wire 2553... you manage to provide intimate and realistic descriptions of all your environments, and your dialogue is magnificent.

Absolutely brilliant... I'm awaiting the next instalment with anticipation, eagerness and trepidation.
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The Elitist Bastard | Writing is the business of professional turd-polishing.
"(don't take this review too seriously) If you doubt this is possible, how is it there are PYGMIES + DWARFS??"

[kr1]

I really enjoyed this, Arthur. The amount of thought you put into this world, for starters, is impressive. Most official canon worlds don't have so thorough a backstory, except maybe Harvest or Reach. That kind of detail adds a lot to a story.

This was a good length, too. It was fairly long, but didn't feel like it reading through, always a mark of quality. The story itself is something new, too, except for maybe one of your own other submissions. I don't think we've ever had a Halo crime drama, and it's an nice change of pace. I'm interested in seeing where you go with this. You've got something pretty unique for fan fiction, and I really haven't a clue where you're heading next. Good work.
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[Arthur Wellesley]

Thanks, Sev. I really appreciate your comment. I really want to build Vesta as my own corner of the Haloverse, and I'm glad to hear that you think it's working.

eb: I'm certainly trying to make this a gritty tale. I'm glad you like it. Thanks for the comment.

kr: the detective angle really lets me get down to tell a smaller story rather than the epic stories of official canon. It's something I've really wanted to do. I hope it works out.

As to the length: I hope it's not too daunting. Thanks to everyone for slogging through it

- Arthur
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Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. - Napoleon
Current Project: Vestal Flame. Current Word Count: 27,017

[StevieTopSiders]

Okay, I'm reading through and reviewing as I go:

-Is he really wallowing in so much sorrow for losing an off day? Seems a little excessive.
-I love the old cranky guy, sounds exactly like a war veteran that I would imagine.
-The Black Hand? My Paolini sense are tingling...

Those were the only things that jumped out at me. Great dialogue, and great writing. Another success!

[kr1]

Okay, first: Paolini is a hack, and most of us here are better writers. Second: the Black Hand is a generic name, and there are plenty of real-world organizations with that name. The guys who assassinated Franz Ferdinand, for example.

That's all.
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[StevieTopSiders]