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hboff Site Admin
Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4378
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SeverianofUrth Member

Joined: 09 Aug 2004 Posts: 481 Location: Dumb posts & crap stories
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Posted: Sat Jun 20, 2009 4:21 am Post subject: |
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Well, that was... it's amazing how no one's commented yet. I suppose it's the length of the piece that does it--but still, people are missing out.
This chapter didn't exactly grab me from the get-go, but the way it built on an already impressive foundation was quite fascinating to behold. Vesta truly does feel like a living, breathing place, and it's filled with its share of monsters and victims. The detective work--traveling, askin', and capturin'--all served to build yet another view of the planet, and it's evolving tapestry of clashing cultures.
All the more impressive because this is the first story I've seen that deals with the aftermath of war in a realistic fashion; after all, where will all those people go? And will they be welcomed? Not quite.
Amazing, as usual. |
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eb4642 IRC Channel Operator

Joined: 09 May 2009 Posts: 77 Location: The Dark Tower of NW10
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Posted: Sat Jun 20, 2009 3:58 pm Post subject: |
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This is quite fantastic. In a way, I almost feel like I'm watching The Wire 2553... you manage to provide intimate and realistic descriptions of all your environments, and your dialogue is magnificent.
Absolutely brilliant... I'm awaiting the next instalment with anticipation, eagerness and trepidation. _________________ The Elitist Bastard | Writing is the business of professional turd-polishing.
"(don't take this review too seriously) If you doubt this is possible, how is it there are PYGMIES + DWARFS??" |
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kr1 IRC Channel Operator

Joined: 27 Feb 2007 Posts: 435 Location: UNSC Frigate September
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Posted: Sat Jun 20, 2009 6:33 pm Post subject: |
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I really enjoyed this, Arthur. The amount of thought you put into this world, for starters, is impressive. Most official canon worlds don't have so thorough a backstory, except maybe Harvest or Reach. That kind of detail adds a lot to a story.
This was a good length, too. It was fairly long, but didn't feel like it reading through, always a mark of quality. The story itself is something new, too, except for maybe one of your own other submissions. I don't think we've ever had a Halo crime drama, and it's an nice change of pace. I'm interested in seeing where you go with this. You've got something pretty unique for fan fiction, and I really haven't a clue where you're heading next. Good work.  _________________
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Arthur Wellesley Member

Joined: 30 Jun 2006 Posts: 306 Location: Canada
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Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 5:23 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks, Sev. I really appreciate your comment. I really want to build Vesta as my own corner of the Haloverse, and I'm glad to hear that you think it's working.
eb: I'm certainly trying to make this a gritty tale. I'm glad you like it. Thanks for the comment.
kr: the detective angle really lets me get down to tell a smaller story rather than the epic stories of official canon. It's something I've really wanted to do. I hope it works out.
As to the length: I hope it's not too daunting. Thanks to everyone for slogging through it
- Arthur _________________ Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. - Napoleon
Current Project: Vestal Flame. Current Word Count: 27,017
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StevieTopSiders Member

Joined: 07 Mar 2009 Posts: 1 Location: MIT
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Posted: Tue Jun 23, 2009 9:08 pm Post subject: |
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Okay, I'm reading through and reviewing as I go:
-Is he really wallowing in so much sorrow for losing an off day? Seems a little excessive.
-I love the old cranky guy, sounds exactly like a war veteran that I would imagine.
-The Black Hand? My Paolini sense are tingling...
Those were the only things that jumped out at me. Great dialogue, and great writing. Another success! |
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kr1 IRC Channel Operator

Joined: 27 Feb 2007 Posts: 435 Location: UNSC Frigate September
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Posted: Tue Jun 23, 2009 9:30 pm Post subject: |
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Okay, first: Paolini is a hack, and most of us here are better writers. Second: the Black Hand is a generic name, and there are plenty of real-world organizations with that name. The guys who assassinated Franz Ferdinand, for example.
That's all.  _________________
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StevieTopSiders Member

Joined: 07 Mar 2009 Posts: 1 Location: MIT
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Posted: Tue Jun 23, 2009 11:07 pm Post subject: |
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kr-1426 wrote: | Okay, first: Paolini is a hack, and most of us here are better writers. Second: the Black Hand is a generic name, and there are plenty of real-world organizations with that name. The guys who assassinated Franz Ferdinand, for example.
That's all.  |
Well, thinking back to history class a month or so a go, you're right about the Black Hand. And as bad a writer as Paolini may be, I still Eragon, and to a lesser extent Eldest, and to an even lesser extent Brisingr.  |
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