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Halo: The Ark
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sdn
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Joined: 15 Jul 2005
Posts: 121
Location: afk

PostPosted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 2:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm going to break style: I'm not going to be nice. I'm not going to sugar-coat anything.

Frankly, Sir_Brilliant, your story is overrated. There are hundreds of people worshipping you on Bungie.net - but with the fanboi-to-member ratio being incredibly high and the average level of maturity being rather low, you need to lose the haughty attitide. We are more jaded than ten-year-olds. You're not the king of hboff. You're just another new member; coming in here and acting like you're an established author - and essentially asking how dare we criticise you - is not going to get you any respect.

As for getting it published: I'll believe it when I see it. Honestly, I don't think your writing is up to publishable standards. If you can't handle honest crticism, go back to your fanclub.
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Mainevent
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 796
Location: Mobel, Abalama

PostPosted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 4:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'll play devil's advocate here and say that I hope you stick around.

Now Sdn is right, and I don't think you're up to the standard those at B.net are holding you to, at least not here. I also don't think that, at this point, you are ready to be published. You may be, I've never been published so I don't know exactly what they're looking for.

With that said, I do believe that you are a good author who, if you stay here, can definitely improve to the point that you probably really want to be. Here you'll get more help than "OMG THt was fukin awzome!!1one!"

So I encourage you to stick around and play a little "hard ball". Look around, read some other stories by some of our good regulars (Chuckles, Draconic, Jillybean, etc), and see what you have to do to get up there.

I'll wish you good luck and hope to see you later.
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sir_brilliant
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Joined: 01 Jan 2006
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 5:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mainevent wrote:
I'll play devil's advocate here and say that I hope you stick around.

Now Sdn is right, and I don't think you're up to the standard those at B.net are holding you to, at least not here. I also don't think that, at this point, you are ready to be published. You may be, I've never been published so I don't know exactly what they're looking for.

With that said, I do believe that you are a good author who, if you stay here, can definitely improve to the point that you probably really want to be. Here you'll get more help than "OMG THt was fukin awzome!!1one!"

So I encourage you to stick around and play a little "hard ball". Look around, read some other stories by some of our good regulars (Chuckles, Draconic, Jillybean, etc), and see what you have to do to get up there.

I'll wish you good luck and hope to see you later.


Hey, thanks. I definately will do so. And sdn, i don't know what your problem is, but geez, don't take it out on me. Don't like me, that's fine. Don't like my work, thats fine. But there's no need to get offensive. I don't even know you and your insulting me. I mean, cmon.

Sure, there are better writers. Never said that there weren't. I've never said i'm the best there is. i'm far from it. I wish you people who say that will stop. This isn't some egotrip that i'm on. I wrote a story and posted it. That's all. Stop treating me like i think i'm, what did you call me, the king.

It is a good idea to go read other people's stories, although right now there's a ton of work going into the fanfic contest we're sponsering. Heres a Link . I'd suggest you guys to enter, and completely forgot to post it up here. My bad...there are prizes for first place winners.
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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Joined: 11 Oct 2004
Posts: 1073
Location: In the tower above the earth

PostPosted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 10:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's where I've seen your name, your judging part of the BFO contest, aren't you? sir_brilliant, what sdn said is perfectly reasonable, he's not trying to insult you, just let you know that these fanboi's at B.Net opinion of anything isn't to be taken as a true marker of your skills. Theres a difference between someone on B.Net saying, "ZOMG u is teh l337 w00tst3r! u pwn3d!" and someone who's thought their answer through and isn't filled with fanboi bullshit saying 'I liked your story, one of the best I've ever read, good work!'. That really has no relevence to anything I know, but I'm just saying, don't let them take you on an egotrip because they worship your fictions.
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sir_brilliant
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Joined: 01 Jan 2006
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 06, 2006 12:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Commander Demitri Wolf wrote:
That's where I've seen your name, your judging part of the BFO contest, aren't you? sir_brilliant, what sdn said is perfectly reasonable, he's not trying to insult you, just let you know that these fanboi's at B.Net opinion of anything isn't to be taken as a true marker of your skills. Theres a difference between someone on B.Net saying, "ZOMG u is teh l337 w00tst3r! u pwn3d!" and someone who's thought their answer through and isn't filled with fanboi bullshit saying 'I liked your story, one of the best I've ever read, good work!'. That really has no relevence to anything I know, but I'm just saying, don't let them take you on an egotrip because they worship your fictions.


geez, why does everyone here think that the people over at bnet are either complete retards or just little kids? Most of the people i talk to are my age (1Cool or two years off, both ways. Hell, i know there have been some kids that liked my story that say things like ZOMG..., but hell, most of the people there don't go off like that. I don't know what you guys have against bnet, but their not complete idiots. Well, not most of them.

and what he said is not perfectly reasonable. He just spent 30 seconds insulting me for no reason, as well as insulting anyone who likes my story. Thats incredibly nice, especially since there are a few people here have stated that they liked it.
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sdn
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Joined: 15 Jul 2005
Posts: 121
Location: afk

PostPosted: Fri Jan 06, 2006 7:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

sir_brilliant wrote:

geez, why does everyone here think that the people over at bnet are either complete retards or just little kids?

Probably because of the responses in threads like this, this, this, and this.

Quote:

and what he said is not perfectly reasonable. He just spent 30 seconds insulting me for no reason, as well as insulting anyone who likes my story. Thats incredibly nice, especially since there are a few people here have stated that they liked it.

At the risk of escalating things...this is exactly what I mean. I am not insulting you, but you seem to make no distinction between insults and opinions that conflict with yours. If you can't take a critique, once again, deal with it or stop submitting your work.
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sir_brilliant
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 06, 2006 5:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

sdn wrote:
I'm going to break style: I'm not going to be nice. I'm not going to sugar-coat anything.

Frankly, Sir_Brilliant, your story is overrated. There are hundreds of people worshipping you on Bungie.net - but with the fanboi-to-member ratio being incredibly high and the average level of maturity being rather low, you need to lose the haughty attitide. We are more jaded than ten-year-olds. You're not the king of hboff. You're just another new member; coming in here and acting like you're an established author - and essentially asking how dare we criticise you - is not going to get you any respect.

As for getting it published: I'll believe it when I see it. Honestly, I don't think your writing is up to publishable standards. If you can't handle honest crticism, go back to your fanclub.


See, insults. There's no critique at all. You insult my story by saying its overrated, you insult bnet people by saying their all little immature kids, and you insult me again by saying that i have an egotistical attitude. Why don't you actually criticise something that i would care about, like my story? That's why i posted it, not so you would criticise me. Personal attacks belong in the pm system.
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SYSTEM
The Hammer


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3737
Location: Sierra Hotel.

PostPosted: Fri Jan 06, 2006 6:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Edit: Updated.

- Had to delete the flames here. But this is it.
Alright, 'Brill.

One thing. HBOFF is here, Bnet is over there. Here on HBOFF, we work hard too, and trying to act like the king here isn't going to get you very far. Respect here is earned, and as you could see from what I tried to say over PM, it works both ways.

Sdn's a great guy, but when you act like the king using boasts like, ("Oh, I spent a year on it, yeah, that's right a whole year!" "Oh I am going to get my book published!" "Oh, I worked hard to get where I am. Who else has done that?") that puts him off.

- Any more of this back-and-forth battling, and I'm going to get tough, understood?

- Dave.
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I apologize to anyone I have not offended yet. I will get to you shortly.


Last edited by SYSTEM on Mon Jan 30, 2006 3:15 am; edited 3 times in total
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Wado
The Hammer


Joined: 26 Jul 2004
Posts: 320

PostPosted: Fri Jan 06, 2006 7:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

sir_brilliant wrote:
look dude, i've been writing this fanfic for 8 months, starting december 12th 2004. That's right, its been a year since i started the fanfic. And i have finished it, although i'm trying to get it published, and have been talking with the publishing company TOR, which is the publishing company now doing the books for bungie/microsoft (not entirely sure which one, but not like it makes a difference for me). They liked it and went to talk with microsoft about it, and are being backed by one of the creators of halo.

I'm posting it here because i never used to come by this site, although i have been posting it on bungie.net religiously. I started posting it here, but only posted one chapter and didn't really think i should post the rest for some reason. Then i realized a few days back that i could just post all of it at once, and i did.

And the only reason i haven't posted the end of it is because i'm trying to get it published. So when i find out whether its a go or not, then i'll either post news everywhere saying yes or just post the remaining 4 chapters. But since this is a really cool site and i've been missing out, so its my bad...but the site's not going anywhere.


Be careful about posting your best stuff in fan fiction if you want to publish it. Many companies avoid reading fan fiction because they do not want to be accused of stealing ideas from a fan. If they never read it, they can't be accused...

I recommend only publishing fun stuff here, stuff that is meaningful but not your best work. Hold back your best work to only the eyes that matter for you to get published. Better protection for your rights and then no one will steal your ideas.

Once someone likes your talent, and it is a lot about who you know in the business, then things will start to happen.

Good luck. It isn't easy.
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sdn
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Joined: 15 Jul 2005
Posts: 121
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 06, 2006 10:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:

- Any more of this back-and-forth battling, and I'm going to get tough, understood?

Yes, sir.
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sir_brilliant
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Joined: 01 Jan 2006
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2006 12:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:

- Any more of this back-and-forth battling, and I'm going to get tough, understood?



Understood. Meant no disrespect.


Wado wrote:


Be careful about posting your best stuff in fan fiction if you want to publish it. Many companies avoid reading fan fiction because they do not want to be accused of stealing ideas from a fan. If they never read it, they can't be accused...

I recommend only publishing fun stuff here, stuff that is meaningful but not your best work. Hold back your best work to only the eyes that matter for you to get published. Better protection for your rights and then no one will steal your ideas.

Once someone likes your talent, and it is a lot about who you know in the business, then things will start to happen.

Good luck. It isn't easy.


Well, the thought behind it was that since it was already online, there's no reason not to keep posting it whereever possible. Not like if someone really wanted to find it they'd have trouble...its already up in a few places.

BTW, i'm going to post 3 more things...one's a short story, 7 chapters long, about a grunt in my book...a side story thing. I want to know if its alright to have the discussions about it go here, or if its a better idea to keep them seperate. The other 2 things are additional chapters which i've written but haven't technically added because i'm still unsure of how useful they would be, if at all.
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MasterChief2829
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Joined: 28 Jan 2006
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Sat Jan 28, 2006 7:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I created an adobe PDF and I am having it printed now on paperback by Zulu, for personal use. I will post pics of it and give the PDF to Sir_Brilliant to see if he approves of it and would like it published onto paperback for publishing for the public. But before I submit anything to anybody I will need to get Bungie's and Microsofts approval. This will also be a non-profit organization since I am using Zulu, so I don't see what we be wrong, since it's non profit and I include clearly that it's fan fiction. Please don't bother me with cr*p since I probably won't be getting the book's first version until another week or two. This process will take a while depending on the response of Bungie and Microsoft. But, If you want to make a profit Sir_Brilliant, I understand, and I will only publish this for my personal use. Thanks.

BTW: If you could create an author's synopsys for the back that be great.
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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Joined: 19 Oct 2004
Posts: 1218
Location: Always here to help

PostPosted: Sat Jan 28, 2006 11:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think I might have to break the thin ice here. No insults, no back talking, just a normal review.

Well, I noticed a few problems when you wrote this. The Chief's dialogue, to me, seemed kinda wooden. You could of gone with a little more information on how the Chief spoke. Describe it a bit differnetly, and that small part of the problem will be fixed.

I don't think Lord Terrance Hood, Admiral of the UNSC, would pat the back of a man he hardly knows. The only way he knows him is from the brief radio contact between the Gettysburg and the Cairo.

Lordy? That's a huge branch of inappropiness in rank. A Master Gunnery Sergeant saying that to an Admiral.

Write out the numbers. Fifteen instead of 15.

Someone in charge of a Science Facility would not be the rank of a Master Gunnery Sergeant. At least an Ensign rank or a Lieutenant in the Marines.

I'm not sure, but when the Master Gunnery Sergeant said 'Aye aye, sir' to the Chief, that's...that's not right. You only say Sir to a officer. Never to someone like that unless he is a Platoon Leader and the man is in his platoon. That is not the case. And, he's a Marine. Not a Seaman. No 'Aye aye'.

A little bit more detail in the rest, and I think you got a above average story.

And lighten up on him, guys. Don't want a flame war or else you'll see the true bad side of Gallagher.
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MasterChief2829
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Joined: 28 Jan 2006
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Sun Jan 29, 2006 2:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote


Smile I slapped this up real quick for fun. (I know the UPC is ugly, but thats what was used on TFOR. >.<)
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sir_brilliant
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Joined: 01 Jan 2006
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 29, 2006 2:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

MasterChief2829 wrote:
I created an adobe PDF and I am having it printed now on paperback by Zulu, for personal use. I will post pics of it and give the PDF to Sir_Brilliant to see if he approves of it and would like it published onto paperback for publishing for the public. But before I submit anything to anybody I will need to get Bungie's and Microsofts approval. This will also be a non-profit organization since I am using Zulu, so I don't see what we be wrong, since it's non profit and I include clearly that it's fan fiction. Please don't bother me with cr*p since I probably won't be getting the book's first version until another week or two. This process will take a while depending on the response of Bungie and Microsoft. But, If you want to make a profit Sir_Brilliant, I understand, and I will only publish this for my personal use. Thanks.

BTW: If you could create an author's synopsys for the back that be great.


Although I'm very flattered by the offer, I just finished talking with microsoft about it, and the results came back as follows: Not yet. They said that although there was a great storyline and a possible book in the works, it does need some work, all of which they listed off. Therefore, even if i did agree to sell it to you, it wouldn't be much good for you.

This also means that i'll be spending the next few weeks to months editing it with a professional, which is taking a crapload out of my pocket, but all the worthwhile, whether it sells or not. "sells" you say? yeah, after i finish editing it, we'll bring it back for a second try, which, as everybody who's been working with me to get the book published has said, it happens often. I also get the feeling that the spokesperson who pitched the book to microsoft had the intent for it to be the next halo book (as in the next one like nylunds, aka official bungie storyline), in which case they would say no regardless of how good or bad it was. I'll make sure that if that was the case, it won't happen again, and hopefully there'll be a second chance. But MasterChief2829, email me and we'll talk about stuff.

Btw, i know alot of you are just saying "yeah, whatever" to all that, and that's fine. I really am doing it though, and its really alot of work, and totally kicking my ass at school and work. But, back on subject...
(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher wrote:
I think I might have to break the thin ice here. No insults, no back talking, just a normal review.

Well, I noticed a few problems when you wrote this. The Chief's dialogue, to me, seemed kinda wooden. You could of gone with a little more information on how the Chief spoke. Describe it a bit differnetly, and that small part of the problem will be fixed.

I don't think Lord Terrance Hood, Admiral of the UNSC, would pat the back of a man he hardly knows. The only way he knows him is from the brief radio contact between the Gettysburg and the Cairo.

Lordy? That's a huge branch of inappropiness in rank. A Master Gunnery Sergeant saying that to an Admiral.

Write out the numbers. Fifteen instead of 15.

Someone in charge of a Science Facility would not be the rank of a Master Gunnery Sergeant. At least an Ensign rank or a Lieutenant in the Marines.

I'm not sure, but when the Master Gunnery Sergeant said 'Aye aye, sir' to the Chief, that's...that's not right. You only say Sir to a officer. Never to someone like that unless he is a Platoon Leader and the man is in his platoon. That is not the case. And, he's a Marine. Not a Seaman. No 'Aye aye'.

A little bit more detail in the rest, and I think you got a above average story.

And lighten up on him, guys. Don't want a flame war or else you'll see the true bad side of Gallagher.


Hey, i'm open to critique, so no worries.

Although i haven't actually gone through the book in awhile, its possible that the chief doesn't talk much and may not be the best speaker in the world. Of course, he doesn't need to be, but that's something that i hope to clear up with the editing.

As for hood and johnson, they know each other. That was the point...sure, the nickname was corny, but intentional to johnson. Not like hood was always called 'lord', and it was probably awhile since they've seen each other. that was just something i added in, which had little to no relevance on the storyline itself.

After alot of study on numbers and writing them out, most people agree that it is necessary to write out numbers 1-10 (ie, one-ten), and anything afterwards isn't necessary and can be in number form. Some say 20, but i generally keep it from 1-10.

The rank 'master gunnery sergeant' is from halo2, if you remember the very first level when your mjolnir suit gets checked out. I didn't make that up, and i took it from there. Any problems about that should be taken to bungie directly. lol.

And for 'aye aye', its possible that he would or wouldn't say it, but with little experience on military talk and procedure, i took a guess. You're the first person to tell me that, so you know, i'm going to edit it. I'll change it based on what the editor says.

As for details, i'm sure i'll be working alot on that. I know several places without even looking where more detail could be added. So yes, i know.
MasterChief2829 wrote:

Smile I slapped this up real quick for fun. (I know the UPC is ugly, but thats what was used on TFOR. >.<)


Holy crap, that pic is totally awesome...*drools* How did you do that??!!
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