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  Topic: 3rd Marines in Harvest.
echo3kilo

Replies: 16
Views: 4766

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2005 6:07 pm   Subject: 3rd Marines in Harvest.
when i went to boot (basic for you non-marine types) they never said it was a mistake for us to join, but the DIs always said that the Corps must've been stupid to let us in. the whole elitist thing. ...
  Topic: Mist: Prologue
echo3kilo

Replies: 10
Views: 2740

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Sun Jan 02, 2005 3:45 pm   Subject: Mist: Prologue
too much dialogue. like mc said, you need more description and "meat and potatoes" in the middle. dialogue is crucial to the story, but so is the story itself. keep working, it'll come together.
  Topic: Misjudgment
echo3kilo

Replies: 11
Views: 3486

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2005 6:23 pm   Subject: Misjudgment
making the aliens too human may simply just be inevitable. think about it, we're human, and we have no fucking clue what it's like to be an alien. writing is based on experience, so naturally a huma ...
  Topic: The Death of Dreams
echo3kilo

Replies: 27
Views: 7080

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2005 6:03 pm   Subject: The Death of Dreams
i really enjoyed this one...it was really well developed and didn't drift in plot or tense, which is the sign of a good author. also, i love the portion where you spoke of his dreams to become a fath ...
  Topic: Hollow Life: Personal Diary
echo3kilo

Replies: 5
Views: 2999

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 6:04 pm   Subject: Hollow Life: Personal Diary
i understand the whole ostracized and disturbed angle of the diary, but the language just doesn't seem to fit a 15yr old. Also, towards the end you got better with the first person POV. in the first ...
  Topic: welcome...........part 1
echo3kilo

Replies: 7
Views: 2884

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 12:56 pm   Subject: welcome...........part 1
hate to break it to ya Dave, but .50 caliber machine guns are spelled with the digits, and so is military time, as in 0200 for 2am. you spell out numbers below 100, usually, but in a situation such ...
  Topic: The War of the Seriachs (Part I, Prologue)
echo3kilo

Replies: 6
Views: 2338

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 6:38 pm   Subject: The War of the Seriachs (Part I, Prologue)
ummm...i just got really confused. i couldn't tell who was talking, at all, so the ending became sort of weird to me...
  Topic: Halo: Black War Part One: Clan of Shadows
echo3kilo

Replies: 4
Views: 1891

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 6:27 pm   Subject: Halo: Black War Part One: Clan of Shadows
they big problem i saw with this piece was the fight sequences, just a little too crammed with action. what i've found is that a broad description of a fight makes it easier to understand what's goin ...
  Topic: welcome...........part 1
echo3kilo

Replies: 7
Views: 2884

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 6:18 pm   Subject: welcome...........part 1
this is a pretty good beginning...it seems almost like the rough draft of a better story, you know, the shitty rough that every writer makes when first putting an idea down on paper(don't take offense ...
  Topic: Xentorians
echo3kilo

Replies: 10
Views: 3818

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Wed Sep 22, 2004 1:03 pm   Subject: Xentorians
huh? this whole thing was so out there I couldn't believe anything. Yes, fantasy and sci-fi are all about making stuff up, but you still have to make it believable enough that the reader doesn't bec ...
  Topic: Amnesia
echo3kilo

Replies: 8
Views: 3288

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Wed Sep 22, 2004 12:55 pm   Subject: Amnesia
Pretty good story, so far...is this a revision of the last amnesia story, or a completely different thing? Like MCC said, it's awfully familiar. You might want to clear up the accent thing, though, ...
  Topic: Strange Aeons - Chapter 0: Prologue
echo3kilo

Replies: 18
Views: 5429

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Thu Sep 16, 2004 5:41 pm   Subject: Strange Aeons - Chapter 0: Prologue
wonderful...good format, well thought out, consistent. keep it up.
  Topic: Shadow Part1: Encounter
echo3kilo

Replies: 10
Views: 2806

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Tue Sep 14, 2004 6:03 pm   Subject: Shadow Part1: Encounter
I like this one, even with it's minor problems. It's good that you caught them and will try to avoid them, next time. Just a quick question, though. I noticed in your post that you had an idea of w ...
  Topic: The Last War: Chapter 1
echo3kilo

Replies: 9
Views: 2883

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Wed Sep 08, 2004 1:30 pm   Subject: The Last War: Chapter 1
Pretty good story...sounds kinda familiar, though (can anybody say Pearl Harbor?). The one detail that really irked me was the Marine in the control tower putting his weapon down. Marines never leav ...
  Topic: Survival Instincts, Chapter 1
echo3kilo

Replies: 3
Views: 2856

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 5:44 pm   Subject: Survival Instincts, Chapter 1
good work, you seem to know what you're doing. I look forward to the next installments.
 
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