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  Topic: Aetiee #1
MC's Cousin

Replies: 8
Views: 3403

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 3:59 am   Subject: Aetiee #1
...(though it's always a good idea to listen to MCC's advice)...
He's referring to the rare instances where people vanish after throwing my advice back in my face. Mmm. Poor them.

Anyway.

I t ...
  Topic: Aetiee #1
MC's Cousin

Replies: 8
Views: 3403

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 7:50 am   Subject: Aetiee #1
Agreed. I've never been a fan of author's notes. That's what the forum is for. So keep that in mind for your future works. On a more positive note, it is nice to see an aspiring novelist. Good lu ...
  Topic: Halo - Urban Warfare
MC's Cousin

Replies: 2
Views: 1681

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 6:52 am   Subject: Halo - Urban Warfare
First submission (at least under that name) I see. Congratulations and welcome to HBOFF, Jonathan.

Now onto business:

The first thing I noticed after clicking into your story was the formatting ...
  Topic: Angel Wings Prologue: The Note
MC's Cousin

Replies: 3
Views: 1797

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 6:39 am   Subject: Angel Wings Prologue: The Note
Unfortunately I didn't catch the previous three pieces you posted here. However, the present is a good time to begin doing so.

Let's see, here...

First person isn't something that comes up too ...
  Topic: Attack on Installation 06, part 4
MC's Cousin

Replies: 2
Views: 1826

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 6:13 am   Subject: Attack on Installation 06, part 4
I'll second UNSC Trooper. This piece wasn't too shabby, but there were definitely some elements that you could improve. As 'Trooper pointed out, pacing and character building were among them, but I ...
  Topic: The HBO Experience 2: The Sequel
MC's Cousin

Replies: 11
Views: 4599

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 5:12 am   Subject: The HBO Experience 2: The Sequel
Hmm...


The parrot skit I found to be particularly entertaining. Kept me laughing most of the way through the entirety of that section. Moving on, I must also agree with your opinion of multipla ...
  Topic: A Forlorn Hope
MC's Cousin

Replies: 9
Views: 3663

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 11:22 pm   Subject: A Forlorn Hope
In the light of this explanation I would like to go more in depth on a couple things (don't worry, this is more positive than negative):

As far as the Covenant are concerned, I understand completel ...
  Topic: SpecOps Star (parody)
MC's Cousin

Replies: 5
Views: 2214

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 5:03 am   Subject: SpecOps Star (parody)
All you have to do now is make a recording, Chuck. Then you'll be famous.

Anyway. Good stuff. After years of reading stories including Super-Marines, it was quite refreshing to read a poem about ...
  Topic: A Forlorn Hope
MC's Cousin

Replies: 9
Views: 3663

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 9:52 pm   Subject: A Forlorn Hope
Aweful, just plain aweful. Wes... I don't know what to say. You should, quite frankly, be most ashamed of yourself.

...

Nah. I'm just kidding.

Now seriously: My only real complaint would ...
  Topic: The Last Ranger: Prologue
MC's Cousin

Replies: 1
Views: 1571

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 5:35 am   Subject: The Last Ranger: Prologue
Alrighty then.

First thing I noticed was the staccato rhythm of your writing. Short bursts of text broken by punctuation. Not too bad. However, it wasn't flawless. While writing in such a fashi ...
  Topic: Infiltration of the Infestation Prt2
MC's Cousin

Replies: 3
Views: 2150

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 5:02 am   Subject: Infiltration of the Infestation Prt2
I'm gonna second that motion by Az there. It's good that you're writing in a word processor - as that very much assists spelling mistakes and such - but that's only part of the process.

The submis ...
  Topic: Fireteam Foxtrot
MC's Cousin

Replies: 3
Views: 2104

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 5:29 am   Subject: Fireteam Foxtrot
In regard to the previous post by Sev, I agree. It's not a bad thing to let the reader know what specifications particular weapons have, but going too far into detail while the narration is caught up ...
  Topic: Saber in the Sky - Roll Call
MC's Cousin

Replies: 7
Views: 2319

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 6:57 am   Subject: Saber in the Sky - Roll Call
Thanks, MCC! Must be doing something right. Laughing

...

Dialogue was indeed very well approached and presented. Seemed real and not scripted and flat-voicedly inhuman as some dialogue ends up b ...
  Topic: Saber in the Sky - Roll Call
MC's Cousin

Replies: 7
Views: 2319

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 3:58 pm   Subject: Saber in the Sky - Roll Call
Indeed I do remember, 'placki. I knew I had seen that title before, though I am glad to see that its reappearance is not due to an abnormally long and tangented life of numerous chapters. New materi ...
  Topic: Stand Alone Complex
MC's Cousin

Replies: 3
Views: 1630

PostForum: Fan Fiction Comments   Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2007 7:10 pm   Subject: Stand Alone Complex
HBTW, what happened to the ability to see the other chapters in a story? I can't seem to find it anymore. It was at one time located within the story page.

If what you are referencing to is the abi ...
 
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